How Often is Often Enough?

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Have you been wondering if you and your partner are doing it as often as you should be? Well, stop worrying, there is no international standard!

However, a recent study out of the Kinsey Institute suggests that today’s women are having less sex than their 1950s counterparts. And it just doesn’t seem right that your mum was more of a hoochie in her day than you are.

We spoke to Sarah from to get her sexpert opinion on how often Kiwi couples should be dancing the horizontal tango.

Doctor’s Orders
On a rare sick day away from the SexGear office I took the time to do what every good Kiwi girl with the flu should do – settled on the couch with a duvet and watched a comforting episode of Oprah. I was pleased to find that it included a discussion on how often Oprah’s medical expert, Dr Oz, recommended we should be having sex. Given my line of work, this is a question I am asked often, by friends, strangers and god forbid…sometimes family.

I am always intrigued to hear medical advice on the matter. “If you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiological age by six years,” Dr. Oz says, based on a study at Duke University. This works out to be roughly 4 times a week. So we have to keep sexually active girls…for our health!

Let me check my diary
However, because I am lucky enough to talk to Kiwi couples about their sex lives on a daily basis, I know that 4 times is more likely to be the monthly number of sexual encounters for a lot of us (and for some of you that’s the daily number!). Most often, couples tell me it’s a time issue. Simply fitting sex into our busy schedules is the main obstacle. Dr Michael Krychman, OBGYN, says that studies show once couples enter the 30-39years, career-focused, child-rearing, time-poor era of their lives, yearly sexual encounters drops 24% to 86 times.

So at we’ve been reading ‘Quickies’ by Tracey Cox and we’re bringing back spur-of-the-moment sex! Because stealing five minutes in the lift, commercial break or before your parents turn up for lunch is both time-efficient and spontaneously sexy!

Split the difference
Sometimes the question is – Do we want more sex? If you’re both happy with once a fortnight (or every night) then it doesn’t matter what end of the spectrum you are at. Sex is good for us because it satisfies the intimacy cravings that we, as human beings, have. It’s only if one member of the partnership is not having their needs met that you need to get concerned about the number. So meet each other in the middle. Alternate between doing what the higher-libido partner wants one week and doing what the lower-libido partner wants the other.

And doing something inbetween such as bringing one partner to orgasm without involving the other partner in full-blown sex. Don’t take each other for granted and always have sex with each other as if it might be the last time and you might slowly find your sexual compatibility matching!

My final thoughts? If you didn’t take the nzgirl Hovember Challenge last month, try putting the ‘Ho Ho Ho’ in December and make the effort to increase your love-making intake!

Until next month,
Sarah, from

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