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They Don’t Like Your Boyfriend

It’s a sweet life when you have a new man. Even the advent of winter with all its leaky taps, hot water running out, frozen hands and feet in the mornings and fewer daylight hours can’t get you down. The roses smell rosier, and even the birds seem to sing sweeter.

Ahhh…love, it’s better than any drug and just as potent!

It’s a different story though, when your nearest and dearest can’t see why you adore your man. To you, even his webbed toes are quirky and attractive – to them, they are just a genetic mutation. You might think that snorting noise he makes when he laughs is simply too cute, but your friends are secretly imitating it behind his back for a giggle.

What do when you love your new man, but your friends are so anti-him they’d quite happily leave him off the invite list…for your own engagement party?! Never fear! We here at nzgirl have cooked up a recipe, call it the friendship potion, to get you through those nasty stages of friend-man hate…

  • A pinch of understanding: Why oh why can’t they see how wonderful he is? It’s easy to ascribe their rudeness to jealousy or possesiveness, but it helps to know their reasons for hating him. Is it because you have a dating pattern, and they can see you repeating it with him? Do they know something about his past that you don’t? Are they the sort of people who are over-protective but have your best interests at heart anyway? Bring up the topic with them, and then let them speak. There’s nothing worse than when you ask someone to be honest, then get angry and don’t let them finish.
  • A tablespoon of compassion: Sometimes your friends hate seeing you hooked up with a new man because they feel they are losing a comrade-in-arms. The beginning of a romance signals the end of boozy girls’nights out, long phone conversations about nothing in particular, and is also the loss of a soldier for the cause of singledom. Your friend is only jealous because you mean a lot to them – so try and bite your tongue and give them time. Of course, if their behaviour doesn’t settle down, then give them a stern talking to and if necessary, put them out for the inorganic rubbish collection.
  • A dash of blood: Okay, so perhaps blood is a disturbing analogy…but you use it in cooking for blood pudding! Anyway, the point is that if it’s your family who have expressed these concerns, then you need to take it a bit more seriously than a passing comment by a friend. Parents are sometimes not the best judge of character when it comes to their little girl, but they just want someone who loves and takes care of you. Try not to turn the situation into a family-or-man affair, instead – be loving, compromise and bring him for dinner more often so they can get to know him. Always remember that gem of a quote: blood is thicker than water, so you’d better make sure someone is really worth it before fighting for him.
  • A drizzle of marrow: Have a backbone, grow a spine, stand up for yourself. Not all your friends and family are going to like your man. You’d be lucky if all they do is get along. It could be because your man is simply a private person and doesn’t open up easily, so they mistake it for snobbery or extreme shyness. As long as you’re comfortable that your relationship is healthy, and know that it is going where you want it to, then there’s nothing wrong with taking a stand. Let them know this is the person you love, and by insulting your choice, they are insulting you.

    Karen Tay

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