So you’ve been seeing a bit more of him lately. You still have a great time when you’re together and he ‘gets’ you like nobody else does.
He’s held your hair back while you heave up last night’s tequila shots, and you held his hand when his puppy got run over. You go out for drinks, dinner and a movie, all while knowing that he won’t be horrified by your daggy Thursday trackies because he’s already seen them.
It stands to reason that one or both of you eventually think it might be a good idea to get back together.
Or is it?
5 Reasons To Get Back With Your Ex
1. You were too young: Or not ready or mature enough to sustain a long-term relationship the first time around. One of the more common reasons for a breakup is the need to be single and explore your independence. When you’ve done that and have come to the realisation that there’s no-one else out there for you, then it’s a good idea to get back together.
2. You both want to: This is a bit obvious, but from the Super Kitty letters I sometimes get, it’s a point that needs to be jackhammered home. If you want to, but he doesn’t or if he wants to, but you don’t, it’s not going to work. Relationships are hard enough without a partner who doesn’t want to be there.
3. The comfort factor: Mmm, you love his familiar smell and he already knows everything about you, and likes you anyway. There’s no games to play, he knows the kind of snuggle you like, and fits into your group of friends like a glove because they already know him.
4. He’s your Mr Big: You love him. You truly, truly do and this isn’t just a phase because you’re bored or lonely. This means you’re willing to make the commitment this time round, and can trust that both of you will do whatever it takes to make it work. You will need to sort out whatever issues you had leftover from last time so they don’t hang round like a bad smell!
5. You’re still really good friends: There may be some who disagree, but a relationship is basically a friendship set on fire. Of course, you still need to desire him physically and want to be with him exclusively, otherwise what you have is a real friendship and nothing more.
5 Reasons Never To Go There Again
1. He cheated on you: And he did it more than once without telling you, or he lied to you. Ever heard the term ‘Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me’? If he was dishonest, he’s not going to change without years of therapy and a good, swift kick to the butt – that’s if he even admits there’s a problem in the first place. As for cheaters, there are often grey areas but a sound rule is that if he does it more than once, or if you caught him sneaking around having an affair, he’s a love rat not a love god.
2. You’re lonely: You’re afraid of dying alone and soup-for-one just doesn’t cut it on those rainy nights. Then again, you also miss having sex and oooh, it would just be so nice to have someone to call at the end of the day. Don’t do it! You’ll soon enough realise that feeling alone when you’re in a relationship is far worse than being single.
3. The ‘spark’ isn’t there: A bit of an extension on the above but if you’re just in it because you’re sick of the dating game, or because it’s a comfortable fit, don’t do it. You’re inviting more heartbreak and really, the man isn’t an old shoe!
4. The pink elephant: The issues you have from last time are still there. Whatever reason you broke up last time –because he wanted more freedom or you wanted to go travel and he didn’t, if you haven’t talked it through and they’re still around, it’s no good pretending it can work this time.
5. He’s married, attached, etc: If he’s made a commitment to someone else while you’ve been apart, then it’s a good sign that he’s maybe just using you as a crowbar to pry himself away from his current relationship. There could be genuine feelings there on his part but if he really wanted to be with you, he’d end his relationship before he tried to start anything. Otherwise, he’s really just wanting a bit on the side.
Karen
