Breaking up CAN be hard to do…
But luckily you have nzgirl to get you through the trauma that can result from a bitter bust-up and ensure you emerge with your dignity intact and no criminal prosecutions to your name.
Say you’ve just found out your man’s been doing the dirty on you, even worse it was with your best friend/sister/father (euw!). Chances are you feel like crap. You’re hurt, you’re humiliated and you’re so damn angry it’s consuming you.
While getting him back seems like the best idea to get you on track you’ll probably just end up making things worse for yourself.
Below are some of the things you may feel like doing. We’ve got some pretty convincing arguments as to why you shouldn’t and, even better, we’ve come up with alternatives which won’t end up making you look like the fool.
What you want to do: Pour out your heart to him in a 10 page letter detailing all the hurts and injustices you suffered throughout the relationship and the sacrifices you made for him.
Why you shouldn’t: Once that letter is out there you have no control over it and you can’t get it back – do you really want his new woman sniggering over your feelings?
What you should do instead: By all means write the letter, it’s one of the most therapeutic things you can do. Take as long as you need on it and get everything down on paper – it’ll make you feel heaps better to get your side out. But DO NOT under any circumstances let it leave your room. Lock it away, burn it, stuff it under your bed or give it to your best friend to look after.
Note – The art of letter writing is a somewhat quaint tradition, so if you’re tempted to go for a heart pouring via email just remember how easy it is for email to be forwarded to hundreds of people just by pressing a button. Your ex may find your letter entertaining, flick it on to some mates and before you know it your cousin in Venezuela has received it.
What you want to do: Send a vicious email to his work, detailing all the things you know about him that you’re pretty sure his boss isn’t aware of.
Why you shouldn’t: Chances are you’re going to come across as vindictive, psycho and seriously unbalanced. If his boss trusts him then it’s unlikely your email will get him fired. Plus do you want to risk him turning the tables on you with this one?
What you should do instead: This, my friend, is precisely what your friends are for. Chances are if he was enough of a prick to get you that upset they hate him too, so they’ll relish the chance to bitch and moan about him.
Note – if there is even the remotest possibility you will get back together then do not involve your friends. You’re setting yourself up for mucho awkwardness further down the track.
What you want to do: Call/text/turn up at his house after several bottles of wine, with tears streaming down your face.
Why you shouldn’t do it: One word – dignity. You’d probably like to still have some of it the next day when you wake up needing to puke with mascara down to your chin. If you do the “turn up at the door option” you may get a sympathy shag, but it’s likely you’ll be even more miserable the next day when it turns out he still doesn’t want a bar of you.
What you should do instead: There’s no easy fix for this one, although getting someone else to hold on to your cellphone is a good start. Chances are when they refuse to give it back you’ll flee in a taxi to do the desperate-door-step thing then no one can really help you. You could always go home with someone else to keep you distracted, but if a one-night stand isn’t your thing then just write the word “Dignity” on your hand in vivid and hope it triggers a response in your booze-fuddled brain.
What you want to do: Be his friend and maintain the same connection that you once had, but without the sexual side.
Why you shouldn’t do it: Because no matter how much it seems like a good idea at the time and how much of a void they are leaving in your life, this technique invariably ends in tears. It takes a few hard-earned lessons to realise that cold-turkey is the best way to go, because otherwise for one or other of you this option is just too hard. Feelings get in the way and are easily misinterpreted and what happens when one of you finds someone else…
What you should do instead: Be civil if you have to be in contact, but otherwise stay away. Give it time to let the dust settle and the feelings die down. Rekindle friendships with those other friends you already have, but have been neglected during the relationship.
What you want to do: Take to his car with a large hammer, axe or set of keys.
Why you shouldn’t do it: Ok, we have to take some responsibility for putting this one in your mind, but seriously there is one pretty big deterrent here i.e. THE LAW! No boy is worth getting into that sort of trouble for.
What you should do instead: That’s simple – let us do it for you. Click here to watch our smash up video. Over and over and over again. Work on your Zen mind techniques and visualise replacing the car we used with Mr-Nasty-Ex’s pride and joy. That’ll help you sleep at night.
Just remember: Every guy who breaks your heart only makes you stronger and more aware of what you won’t put up with in a relationship.
Don’t taint all guys with the same brush as the one who hurt you, but learn from the experience and try and fall for a different type of guy next time.
Gemma
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