So I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks…
My family has known him for over 10 years, he joined the airforce when he was 17 and worked with my dad. He’s now 32 (and I’m 27) and we’ve been hanging out/sleeping together for a few weeks.

But I’m torn, I know that military guys pretty much have ‘showing their feelings’ trained out of them, and I dont want to be that emo girl who immediately wants to know if you’re a couple or not. But having said that, I don’t want to just be a fling.

I dont even know what kind of advice I’m looking for, think I just needed some girls to bounce thoughts off of (I’ve not got a very big social circle since I’ve just moved back to Auckland)

What do you girls think?

Thanks for your advice.
I think I tend to suffer from a complete inability to just enjoy things and not worry about what they might become.
I always fear getting hurt and so when I notice that I’m starting to like someone, I start worrying that if they’re not feeling what I’m feeling that I’m going in the wrong direction.

Oh god so do I, just reading your ladies comments and was thinking “yes that’s what I do!” Plan out a relationship instead of just enjoying the moment.

Anyway, I agree, doesn’t matter if he’s “trained to not show emotion.” If he’s a sensible human being he will say something if he wants you to be his girlfriend.

EEEEEEEEEEE

I asked him yesterday if we were exclusive or not… actually I emailed him (cos I’m a scardy cat) and then spent the next day mentally preparing myself for a rejection.
He just replied saying “exclusive sounds nice ”

@bexieangel said:
EEEEEEEEEEE

I asked him yesterday if we were exclusive or not… actually I emailed him (cos I’m a scardy cat) and then spent the next day mentally preparing myself for a rejection.
He just replied saying “exclusive sounds nice ”

aww thats so awesome. Least you got your answer and who says military guys dont say wht they are feeling.

So funny that you posted that, because I just found out that on sunday night he kissed someone else. Yes, things were only new and we’d not really talked in depth about if we were really serious or not but he had agreed to be exclusive and that’s just not right.

I talked to him last night and it became increasingly obvious that he’s not over all the things that happened to him last year and even if I did excuse this one indiscretion, he wouldn’t be able to be the boyfriend to me that I want him to be.

We did have a lovely chat and I was feeling okay about it last night, but then I fell ill and have been sick all day so it has meant being bedridden, doing a lot of sleeping and a lot of thinking and now I’m feeling kinda down. I realised, I really liked him a lot and I’m actually quite sad.

Thanks so much Angel, I really appreciate your kind words.

I just went out and bought the latest issue of cosmo, dyed my hair a completely different colour and ate a whole pile of junk food.

I’ve not been single for a decent length of time since I was 16. I’m now 27. I really don’t know how to do this and I’m really quite anxious about it. I’ve just deactivated my facebook page, I don’t want to keep spending all my time sitting around staring at my page and hoping people will talk to me – suppose I have to teach myself to enjoy my own company.

Hi. I just saw this post. I also dated someone in the Airforce and I disagree with the ‘‘showing their feelings’ trained out of them’ comment. I think if someone really likes you they will make the effort etc. If you don’t
hear from them (text/call) then they dont want to talk to you/are busy/arent thinking about you. It sucks so bad because when you like someone heaps you want to hear from them all the time. If someone is really into you they will make the effort, initiate texts/hanging out etc etc. I think the whole ‘feelings trained out of them’ thing is something maybe they would only use whilst at work/on deployment. It’s not something I think that they would bring into a relationship outside of the Military. I only say this because the guy I was seeing was super genuine and even though he didn’t want a girlfriend, he was always straight up and honest with me and when I finally called it off (because I decided I didn’t want to invest feelings in someone who didn’t eventually want more than casual) he was extremely understanding and lovely about it. We are still friends even though it didn’t work out, but I think that he was himself the whole time and didn’t block out his feelings and was straight up. I feel really sorry for you that things didn’t work out, but obviously he wasn’t right for you and Prince Charming will come along when you least expect it. Just do YOU for now and live your life, he is missing out on a great girl, from what I have read here! Good luck to you x PS I do the exact same thing when it comes to over analysing how things are going and wondering what will happen. Its hard to not be like that when you’ve been mistreated in the past. Just enjoy the moment and try not to think to hard early on in a relationship date boys/men and make them chase you. We were put on earth to be Chased.. not the other way around!