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After watching the Jane Austen Bookclub, we got so inspired that we decided to let our usual advice guru Frankie take a wee break from her duties and got in our old friend, "Jane A" to answer two special dilemmas we've received.
This week, we’ve got a reader who’s struggling with a husband who’s ‘nice’ but not naughty enough, and another who’s debating whether or not to get back together with her partner that did the dirty...  Dear Jane,
I have a wonderful husband, who’s loving and kind to me, yet I fantasize about having sex with another man. My husband’s my best friend, but lately I just haven’t felt the excitement . He’s too nice to me; I can’t even imagine having the sort of crazy, passionate sex we had when we met. I’ve even started fantasizing about seducing someone much, much younger than me. What’s wrong with me – how can I even contemplate cheating on my nice husband?
Unhappy wife
.jpg) Dear Unhappy wife,
You’ve just told me what your problem is – you’re bored dear. Wallpaper is nice. Muffins are nice. Husbands should not be nice. They should be exciting and wonderful, kind and fulfilling. If nice is the only word you can conjure up to describe your husband, it’s no wonder you’re thinking about someone else. Ask yourself whether you really want to cheat or if your craving is for some excitement to be injected into your life.
If you once had excitement in your relationship then you can get it back, it’s just a matter of turning your attentions inwards towards your relationship again. Think carefully on this one, if there was never love and excitement to begin with, you can’t bring it back. Take this slice of advice: “Nothing can compare to the misery of being bound without love, bound to one, and preferring another. That is a punishment which you do not deserve”. If there’s no love in your relationship move on with your life and find someone who you can love. Whatever you decide, don’t cheat – neither of you deserve that.
Sincerely Yours,
Ms J Austen x
 Dear Jane,
My husband recently split up with me after revealing he was having an affair. He’s now living with the woman he had an affair with, and I feel completely abandoned. I can’t help wondering whether it’s partially my fault for becoming so relaxed around him – maybe it’s my fault for taking my relationship for granted? I’m so distraught that he could get over me so quickly. What can I do? I’m trying so hard but I’m not getting anywhere – I just want to get back with him. Heartbroken
 Dear Heartbroken,We begin relationships feeling a passionate, exciting love for the other person and, with time, this love is filled out with high esteem and regard for our partner. Since you’ve been married for quite a while, I’ll assume that much of your love is this regard and respect for him. Now answer me this; how can you respect someone who began an affair with another person?
I wouldn’t say it’s your fault but it is important to show love, respect and interest in a relationship – he needs to feel loved and cherished just as much as you do. Even the strongest person might start to look elsewhere if they feel completely unappreciated. Take a step back from the situation. If he is the wonderful, worthy-of-respect person that you think he is, he’ll soon to start to act like it again. You need to assess how you acted within the relationship and whether you think you should have told him how much you care earlier. If that’s the case send him a little. After that, the ball’s in his court. You’ve done all you can so leave it up to him to make the next move.
Sincerely Yours,
Ms J Austen x
 In need of more Jane style advice and wisdom?The Jane Austen Book Club (out on DVD June 25) follows the lives of six Jane Austen fans and the book club they begin. The five women and one man soon find during their coffee-fuelled book club meetings, that their own love lives are echoing Jane’s storylines. The six help each other find a path through their love-dilemmas by asking, “What would Jane do”? We've got 15 copies of The Jane Austen Book Club on DVD to giveaway! Click here to get in the draw... |
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