It's strange writing this now a few years after it was so hard, and everything is so different now. If only you knew that back then…
Ever since you were a little girl you knew something was different, you seemed to be sadder than your friends without rhyme or reason. It was hard for you to understand what was going on, and why. It all makes sense now that you know that depression runs in your family, and that even though you felt so alone your family; your father who seemed so strong and stoic, and even your grandparents, all knew exactly how you felt – and that all you needed to do was ask for help.
That seems so simple now.
I wish I could let you know how much support and love you have around you on those days when you are so lost that even getting out of bed in the morning seems too hard. And when the days are fog like, everything without purpose and you lost in the midst of it all.
I know it gets harder and harder to hide it all, but don’t worry that’s for the best. Because when you do break down and let someone in it will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. You aren’t weak, or wrong or a bad person for feeling this way. And you are most definitely not alone. And please, please do not listen to that voice inside that tells you – you're not worth the effort, you just do not have that option!
It will be scary telling the doctor everything that you have felt for so long, so scary you will need your mum there to hold your hand (and don’t forget the tissues because you will both need them). But you will realise in that very moment that you leave the doctors with that referral sheet in your hand that this is the right decision. And it will only get better from here!
You will meet some amazing people on your journey back to health – some days will be better than others. But every day you will be so grateful, and so happy you just cannot perceive it right now. You have no idea how happy you will be and the joy you will find in the tiniest things (like hosiery and feeding your guinea pig). So wipe your eyes and have that talk with your mum now, life is way too precious and happy to feel the way you do.
It takes a lot to open like Anya has - both to the doctor and her parents and also to you guys here. If any of what she's said has struck a chord with you or one of your friends, why not click here to visit the Lowdown and check out what it's all about for yourself.
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