An Insiders Guide to Matrimonial Happiness

I asked three happily married individuals at different stages in their marriages (as well as one of their husbands, for a bit of gender balance) just what it is that makes their relationship work…

 

 

Having fun together, sharing life experiences.

 

Expecting their partner to change – the man you married will always have those particular traits he had before you married him. Cherish them, don’t change them.

 

No secrets, just have fun, keep the romance alive. Be spontaneous, go on dates, dress up and flirt! Put in effort to your appearance; don’t become complacent. Teach each other something new every day.

 

Make sure you see eye to eye on life’s bigger issues. Do you both want to buy a house or does one of you just want to be a gypsy and travel the world? Do you both want kids? Don’t take it for granted that your partner does, these issues are worth talking about.

 

Always having someone there to make me a cup of tea! Being there for each other in general.

 

Having too many romantic expectations – thinking things will turn out a certain way and then being disappointed in the other person when they don’t. Leaving things unspoken for too long is a big one too.

 

Communication is probably the biggest thing. You need to say how you feel – even if you think it is blindingly obvious. You also need to make sure you do the things in life you set out to do, even if this means straying from the path you and your partner are taking. By this I mean, if you wanted to be a painter, don’t put it on the backburner because you are married. Make sure you keep up your hobbies and goals.

 

Talk about the future and the past. Don’t have any secrets. You are pledging to give yourself over to this other person, if you have even an inkling that this is not the right thing to do, don’t do it.

 

 

To feel that it is a positive thing that enhances both your lives.

 

Not sure, it's probably different for everyone.

Honesty, trust and transparency. Respect. Caring for each other. Good communication.

 

Ask each other 'is there anything I should know about you? It's better to find out now than years down the track. Marriage comes at a price, so, if you want all the benefits of a happy marriage you have to make some sacrifices. Get help early for any recurring problem you encounter that you can't resolve - don't live with it.

 

 

It is a constant, an anchor when the storms of life inevitably threaten to wash you overboard… In other words it can provide stability and companionship.

 

They expect their partner to be more than they themselves are prepared to be - having unrealistic expectations of their partner because they begin married life with a romantic, idealized view of the honeymoon lasting forever.

 

Yes. Part of loving (which is the one constant requirement for a happy marriage), is to respect and trust your partner to the extent that they would want from you. That, and look critically at yourself before you find fault in your partner.

 

Do think twice or more about the three questions above before making a commitment. Breaking up can be very messy and distressing for all concerned.