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Welcome to nzgirl’s new advice columnist Frankie. Our advice guru is here to help you get your life sorted – whether you’ve got issues with your love life, friends, family, work or your bank account, Frankie is the woman to help get you back on your feet! No matter what the problem, however big or small you may think it is, Frankie will have some wise and frivolously frank words of advice to help get you through, we promise!
If you have a question for Frankie click on the link below to drop her a line!
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Dear Frankie,
It's all gone horribly wrong! I have been dating this guy since 2000 exclusively, or so I thought. As it turns out he's been seeing me and another girl the whole time. The problem is that I would never have guessed since he's with me all the time, his family is part of mine - it's like we're married, but we're not. Maybe that was his problem. Anyway, I found out about the other girl last year when she decided to confront me, I was floored. I would never have believed it if my guy hadn't confessed. She ended up pregnant but had an abortion. He claimed that he "never wanted to talk to that girl again." Well, since I totally love this guy, I let it go. I am very forgiving, not forgetting. We have always had the best times together and he claims that I'm his best friend and is miserable at the thought of losing his "world." Anyway, as I figured, a year later she pops back in the picture again and they started seeing each other. I found out because she called when I was holding the phone. I know he has some kind of a problem. I asked him who he would pick between her and me - he said he didn't know, that's why he was in this mess.
Anyway, I must be compulsive, because I cannot get over this or him. I just want things to go back to the way they were and I think it's crazy for me to even want to be with him. What is wrong with me?
Broken Hearted
Dear Broken Hearted, Okay honey, let’s start with the most important thing…THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! Nothing, zip, zilch! But unfortunately, we girls are, as you say, very forgiving, often to our own detriment. Allow me to evoke George W. Bush's infamous last words before he invaded Iraq, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” This guy you're with, to put it mildly, sounds like a creep. You wouldn’t let your best friend or little sister date someone like this, so why let yourself? You haven’t mentioned your age but as you have been dating him for seven years I will assume you are in your mid to late 20s, which is old enough to know that his talk is cheap. Popcorn phrases like ‘best friend’ and ‘his world’ do not balance out the disrespect shown by cheating on you twice. But it also sounds like you're still young enough to forgive him and make excuses such as ‘he has some kind of problem’. It's ok honey, we all do it, ‘he loves me but just isn’t very good at showing it’, ‘he yells because he’s never had a girlfriend like me before’…etc. etc. Girlfriend! Sometimes if the writing is on the wall we have to read it - as hard as it may be and as little sense it might make at the time through all the emotion and heartache. You sound smart and aware of what’s going on, even saying ‘as I figured’ when referring to the second incident. I find we women need to listen to our own instinct much more closely, particularly in situations like this when we feel betrayed and abandoned by those we love. So, do you know what I’m going to ask you to do? For yourself, for your future and for every girl out there who’s had a smelly boy be a creep? Yes, that’s right…stop being his world, stop helping him, stop calling him, say a nice goodbye to his family and walk away without wasting another minute of your exciting future. Think about it, you’ve said you can’t get over him but you will have to eventually. Why wait to do it later when you can do it now and possibly meet a fantastic doctor, working with underprivileged children, who can cook, with a huge trust fund, great body and who WON’T cheat? Good luck! And remember, you deserve to be happy! Rip that bandaid off quickly, not slowly and don’t dip your foot slowly into the pool, JUMP! Love your pal,
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