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The Old Faithful (OF). He’s that guy you always fall back on after a break -up, or during a dry period. He’s the one you booty call when a date turns out to be a dud.
He’s the one you have been on and off with so many times it’s getting ridiculous!
If you don’t have one of your own, I’ll bet you know someone who does. He’s the one it will never really work with - and guess what? Now is the time to ditch him. What draws you in? The reason you keep going back to the OF is basically physical. You find each other attractive, the sex is great and you have a lot of fun together. Loneliness comes into it too. While it’s on, you feel comfortable and loved. But when things get serious or you try to make a real relationship out of your pairing, it all falls to pieces. You don’t want the same things from life. Once out of bed, your differences arise. Why should you ditch him? It’s all a bit of fun, right? Well, sort-of, but the reasons why you should put a stop to these OF episodes are to do with your self-esteem. For a lot of us, the OF is a friend or acquaintance, one who you see on a regular basis in social situations. And you do like him, so it’s always a bit exciting when you spot him at a party.  But wait - you know it’s not going to work! By hooking up with him again and again you are setting yourself up for misery. As much as you may believe it doesn’t hurt when one of these ‘episodes’ ends, it is still rejection. Like the book says, he’s just not that into you. And you’re just not that into him. Look at it from the point of view of your friends - you and he are linked in their eyes. When people ask after you, they will ask if the two of you are going out at the moment.
The answer will often yield a tired ‘I can’t keep up’ from your friends, who are sick of seeing you upset by his antics when you are together, or pining over something that will never work when you’re not. Also, linking yourself to this impossible pairing means closing yourself off to other opportunities. You are never completely free to find a new man because you always feel as though you are cheating in some way, even when you’re not with the OF. He has power over you. How do I leave him alone? For a start, delete his number from your phone. Ask your friends to keep you away from him at parties - or even better try to avoid the ones where you know he will be, at least until you’re over it. Like quitting anything, putting a stop to OF episodes will require some perseverance and time. But go cold turkey - there is no in-between with this. Loneliness will draw you back to the OF, as will…other urges. Ignore these. There may be some teary moments, but remember all the other teary moments you have had over this guy (after all the break ups and confusion) and carry on. Cry it out if you have to - but
stay away from that phone! If he comes to you, great! But don’t go there. Just appreciate the glow of self-esteem he is awarding you and reject him gently. Tell him you are moving on and he should too. He will probably respect you all the more for it (but still don’t go there). How will I feel post-OF? Once the OF is history, you should begin to feel free. You may not realise it, but having this partly formed and complicated series of relationships with this impossible guy leaves both a chip and a weight on your shoulders.
You should start to feel the weight lift after a couple of months of ignoring the OF. The chip might take longer to heal - as these relationships are often fraught with unfairness and sore points. However, with your new-found freedom comes the hope that you will find someone much more deserving! Good luck! Camille Butler |
