We all know the old cliché that opposites attract, but is it really true? Most people will vouch for having been physically attracted to someone who is very different to them, in terms of culture, background, work or belief systems, but can this initial attraction last into a long-term, serious relationship?

Here are a few theories to help us nut out this old chestnut.

Theory one: We wanna be complimented
People usually compliment each other on things that they themselves don't exhibit. For instance, you would not be likely to compliment someone on their beautiful hair if you knew for sure that your hair looked far more attractive - it would sound rude. Having a partner who is an opposite to you, lookswise or in terms of personality or lifestyle, gives you plenty of opportunities for receiving compliments. If you go to uni and he doesn't, chances are, he will compliment you on sticking it out when you finish your exams. The biggest problem with this is, we shouldn't need to gain assurance from others. But that doesn't mean we don't love to.

So, opposites or not-posites? Well, a little difference can work to pick up a few little ego-boosting comments every now and again. However, I don't think it is necessary to be complete opposites in order to expect a few nice compliments. So this one hits somewhere in between.

Theory two: We wanna be complemented
No, this isn't a typo. In the relationship game, to be complemented (with an 'e') is to have someone around you who fits with your personality, who adds to your jokes, who works in a similar profession as you do, who completes your life in some way. For example, if you were an architect and your partner was a writer who wrote about architecture, you would have complementary professions. Over dinner, you could discuss balustrading and tiling. You could have him write about your buildings in his magazines. He could provide you with contacts.

So, opposites or not-posites? Not-posites. While being in exactly the same field of work could become tiresome, having similar jobs or a similar sense of humour does make things easier and provide you with more to talk about. And let's face it, having stuff to talk about is the make or break of any relationship.

Theory three: We wanna be entertained
Humour is another massive part of a relationship. New couples, in that honeymoon phase of lovey-doveyness, can often be heard giggling like teenagers who have seen a rude picture in a school textbook. What makes us laugh? Think about tickling - you can't do it to yourself, because you're expecting it. What really makes us laugh about a joke is that we don't know the answer. Someone else is providing us with something new and fresh. And talking of fresh information, we all need brain sustenance now and again. It is great to be challenged. When we are not challenged by a friend, we quickly bore of them. A relationship will never go
far without a little bit of surprise now and again.

So, opposites or not-posites? Well, this cuts both ways. If your partner is a lot smarter than you, it can, a) make you feel dumb and belittled, or b) make you feel challenged and interested. It depends on the self-confidence of the person. But if your partner is far less intelligent, it is likely to just make you feel un-interested. Similarly, if your partner knew all the same jokes as you, that would be boring. However, if his taste in jokes was completely off-whack, the relationship would be unlikely to continue...Again, this one comes somewhere in the middle.

So, I guess the conclusion is that there is no conclusion. Who knows what makes us attracted to someone? What we do know if that whatever if was that made us first attracted to our partner is usually not the thing that keeps the relationship going. So, while opposites can attract, they may not sustain.

Camille