You’re lying in bed. Maybe post-coital, maybe just before the lights go out on a quiet night. Your boyfriend is looking up at the ceiling, relaxed, his fingers interlaced behind his head.
Hmm, he’s been quiet for a while. You prop yourself up on one elbow and say: What are you thinking about?
Ah, yes. The question every boyfriend dreads.
I’m sure most of us know there is no point in asking, so why are we girls so tempted to know the innermost thoughts of our men? And is asking their thoughts legitimate, or intrusive?
We need to talk… Firstly, the brains of females and males are wired in different ways. Lucky old boys can take problems and challenges that present themselves during the day and sort of ‘file’ them away, whereas females need to voice their problems in order to acknowledge and deal with them, otherwise they just keep churning about in our heads, making us go a bit loco. So when he’s quiet, it could be his brain is simply processing! This is difficult for us girls to grasp.
While two men can spend a pleasant day together without saying more than a few words, that amount of silence between two women would be indicative of a problem. So when our boys clam up, we automatically assume they are either angry or upset.
“He’s fine, thanks for asking.” Remedial reading classes are filled with boys and their fretting parents, who don’t realise little Jimmy will simply develop his communication abilities later than older sister Brenda did. It is due to this that mothers and older sisters will often speak on behalf of the males in their families, even when they are grown up. So, it could be you can blame his mum for his inability to speak his mind!
Maybe he can’t help it. Us girls are also born with specific speech areas in both sides of our brains, while men have speech only in the left side – and it’s not in any particular region. Because of this, we can talk and do things at the same time. So, when his brain is doing the ‘filing’, especially at night, he might find it difficult to talk about your problems. If his blank look really gets to you, you could try writing a journal or making ‘to do’ lists to relieve your mind of its burdens. If all else fails, go round to a girlfriend’s house for a vent session.
Meeting in the middle. While he may have an inferior - oh all right, a different - brain to yours, it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t understand the way you work too. Giving him some space to process his ideas is great, just so long as he is at least sometimes attentive when you need to express yours. Good relationships are filled with compromise. Also, it can be helpful to encourage men to express themselves verbally. They can tend to bottle things up, not realising discussion can help. But if you think he really does have something he needs to talk about, it might be best not to pressure him into it. He’ll come to you when he’s ready.
What is he thinking, anyway? Let’s not forget sometimes boys really do think about different things. Here is a story of what happened to a…err…‘friend’ when she and her boyfriend were in bed, after a night of passion. Upon asking the dreaded question, her boyfriend shook his head and declared he was thinking of ‘nothing’. Of course this wasn’t enough for said girl – who prompted her man to elaborate.
After some time, during which she considered various probable reasons for his silence (he wishes my thighs were thinner, he doesn’t enjoy sex with me anymore, he wants to break up with me…) the boy admitted his deepest, innermost thoughts, following what she considered to be such a tender experience: He was wondering how submarines worked. Yep.
So, next time you find yourself exasperatedly staring at your blank-faced boyfriend, just remember they’re not the same as us. If he were, he would know what to say when we asked that question - that he was considering how lucky he was to be with you! Or suchlike. Try a different approach to get into your man’s head, and remember, we all need our space sometimes.
quiet night. Your boyfriend is looking up at the ceiling, relaxed, his fingers interlaced behind his head. 
Firstly, the brains of females and males are wired in different ways. Lucky old boys can take problems and challenges that present themselves during the day and sort of ‘file’ them away, whereas females need to voice their problems in order to acknowledge and deal with them, otherwise they just keep churning about in our heads, making us go a bit loco. So when he’s quiet, it could be his brain is simply processing! This is difficult for us girls to grasp. 
Us girls are also born with specific speech areas in both sides of our brains, while men have speech only in the left side – and it’s not in any particular region. Because of this, we can talk and do things at the same time. So, when his brain is doing the ‘filing’, especially at night, he might find it difficult to talk about your problems. If his blank look really gets to you, you could try writing a journal or making ‘to do’ lists to relieve your mind of its burdens. If all else fails, go round to a girlfriend’s house for a vent session.
What is he thinking, anyway?