Hot Pink is a regular column on nzgirl that's sure to have you in stiches! Don't miss your weekly fix.
To find out all about its author, Penny Ashton, just click here
Hot Pink regretfully informs her readership that she is taking a mental health week as she in INSANELY preparing for her no doubt marvellous jaunt to the Nelson Festival of the Arts. Her show there is called HOT PINK DOES VEGAS and if you come along for the paltry sum of $15 or $18 you could win a nights accommodation for two, dinner, champagne, pink toilet seat covers and all manner of other silliness.
See you there!
Hot Pink Does Vegas
Deutz Lighthouse, Albion Square
Thurs 19th and Fri 20th October, 8:30pmSo how many nzgirlies out there wanted to be a ballerina when they grew up?
From the moment I squeezed into a leotard at four till the moment I got fat at 16 I WAS going to be the next Rowena Jackson, Margot Fonteyn or even Coco from Fame.
I attended as many dance classes as I could and even begged my mother to let me take up tap. She put her out down on that front, and not in a Chicago kind of way. She told me I was doing enough already, but has since admitted it was because she was a crap sewer and couldn’t face the sequins.
I mean really, a Broadway career dashed for the sake of a few million hours of tedious sewing, how VERY selfish.
I loved ballet and especially Jazz. I still remember when my jazz teacher called me a supernatural because I asked mum what it meant 300 times and basked in the rosy glow of being good at something.
I was addicted to Fame. Oh how I wanted to ‘Lay Back and Be Cool’ like Leroy and light up the sky like a flame….FAME! (I did always think Doris was a bit of a loser though.)
My attempt at this was the Christchurch, Timaru and Oamaru Dancing Competitions. Oh yes, the dizzy heights of fame in the central South Island at the age of 10. I did quite well, especially with my Jazz Dance Swimsuit Showercap routine (and you think I’m making that up?). But my mother was the true star at these comps, when I think about it now, as she drove me there and watched it all with a smile on her face, what a f***ing saint!
Still all my hopes of a major dance career were dashed when from 5th form till the end of 7th form I changed shape from lithe young whipper snapper, to fleshy young beached turbot. I NOW know it had a lot to do with my epilepsy meds, which I started then BUT to the world and my ballet teacher I just ate too much.
Ahhhhh well, really it’s not so bad as I’d rather be in comedy than dance. At least I can still make jokes into my 40s easily enough and I’ll never have to soak my blisters in meths again (a charming tradition to deal with bloody feet from point work, I did it once, the neighbours were concerned with all the screaming).
And the good thing about being a comedy cabaret performer is that I get to do some pretend dancing in my show and make sure my costume is a corset so I look as thin as my ballet teacher wanted me to be.
To get some inspiration I’m going to see the fabulous Ms Fortuna in the Tempo Dance Festival here in Auckland. In her show Private Dancer she is going to sing, dance, call bingo and get her kit off.
Burlesque is so IN right now didn’t you know and I plan to soak up her feisty table dancing, win some glamorous prizes and blush at the nudey bits.
I don’t plan to get nude in my new show as yet, well not unless the corset explodes from all the strain from my G-Cups, but I plan to call my show Burlesque-esque anyway. That means, I love the outfits, but won’t be whipping out the tits.
Ms Fortuna however, will be a whole different story!
See you there.
PennyMs Fortuna is your Private Dancer (R18) Wednesday 11 – Saturday 14, Galatos, 9pm, Tickets available from Ticketek
Last updated: 28/04/2008
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Hot Pink is a regular column on nzgirl that's sure to have you in stiches! Don't miss your weekly fix.
To find out all about its author, Penny Ashton, just