Hot Pink is a regular column on nzgirl that's sure to have you in stiches! Don't miss your weekly fix.
To find out all about its author, Penny Ashton, just click here
Just imagine the scene...three eager young antipodeans sitting at Stanstead Airport, London, waiting to get on their Ryan Air flight to Alghero, Sardinia.
Our sunscreen packed, our new string bikini (especially purchased with a custom made 32G cup) nicely tucked into our rolling bags, fake tanned and sundressed, waiting for the BING BONG noise to invite us aboard.
We hear the BING BONG and gather our belongings only to hear, "Cutomers waiting to board Ryan Air Flight 666 (OK it wasn't that but it seems appropriate) please be advised that your inbound aircraft is no where near bloody Stanstead so you poor bastards will be waiting one hour longer to get to your pina coladas you smug twits."
OK so it didn't say that either but that's how we felt. We sank back into our seats and calculated that somewhere would still be open to find a tasty pizze when we got there.
Oh no, oh no no no.
Two more taunting BING BONGS later and we were getting there three hours later than scheduled, ie 12am and not a pizze in sight. Instead I had a BLT sandwhich and a crappy coffee next to the smoking section of the airport. Yes England still has smoking sections.
We finally boarded the plane through the pissing down rain on the runway, no little gangplank for us, I believe that costs extra.
Ryan Air is a very budget airline as was becoming more and more apparent as the flight continued. Firstly it took an eternity to actually take-off and secondly our hostesses were more like rugby referees. I was expecting one to wrestle a certain naughty customer to the ground and beat him with a hose the way she screeched down the plane to "DO UP YOUR SEATBELT". She must be a dominatrix in her spare time as they can't be paying her much.
You have to pay for everything on Ryan Air even water and they ask for their magazines back at the end of the flight. I wouldn't be surprised if oxygen masks dropped down with little slots that say "Insert 50p to start the flow of oxygen, otherwise hahaha, you're dead." The emergency exits probably have turnstiles.
Still, I did mention it was cheap didn't I and the pilot had a very nice Irish accent so it wasn't all bad.
We landed to see a nice tanned face of Marco from our B&B to meet us and drive us further away from town than their website said. It does have a sea view though, about an inch if you squint in the right direction, but it has been hard to see through the overcast skies.
So yes, holiday not off to the best start and weather isn't quite the lazing weather I hoped for, BUT at least we're out of England's supposed summer and I'm about to have my first pizze, bella!!!!
Penny
Last updated: 29/04/2008
nzgirl archive:
White Christmas It’s the year’s biggest party week and Hot Pink’s ...
The End What if the answers to your weight problems were a...
