Hot Pink is a regular column on nzgirl that's sure to have you in stiches! Don't miss your weekly fix.
To find out all about its author, Penny Ashton, just click here
Yet again I find myself packing up my life preparing for an overseas adventure. This Saturday I will be heading for the bright lights of London, as I am about to embark on a bit of a UK tour.
How exciting!
Yes indeed, however there is a grey lining to my silver cloud, my house is for sale.
I wish I could say it was actually my house and stood to make a hefty profit, but what I mean is the house I manage to scrape together rent for once a week is for sale. If it were my house I would only have one kidney.
I can see you scoffing now. “How can you head off overseas for a couple of months if you can’t pay rent? You must only have one kidney.”
The answer to that is simple. I have two kidneys AND I have no money. I just go anyway and hope to be able to pay my MasterCard bill one day. A bit like some of you with a student loan methinks. (Something I managed to avoid racking up in the early 90s as I had no need for a jetski.)
ANYWAY I digress... Yes my house is for sale and the thought of having to move scares the s**t out of me as I have lived here for 4.5 years. I probably have more stuff than Oprah has food stashed in her closets and I’m rubbish at throwing the rubbish out. (I probably get this trait from my dad who regularly visits Smith City Auctions in Christchurch on the look out for the most amount of crap he can buy for the least amount of money. He once bought three inflatable boats with holes in them and 100 of the same CD. Why? “Because they were CHEAP!”
ANYWAY I digress... If my house sells when I’m away, my flatmates will have to move for me and pick a new house for us. This may not sound all that bad when I think about it BUT I am really a bit of a control freak. The thought of coming home to a room the size of a thimble with puke green wallpaper keeps me awake at night. It would only be fair I get the worst room if I haven’t helped move and really, that is so unfair.
SO instead I pray to my god of sparkly jewellery that the house doesn’t sell. My landlord may not think that’s such a great idea, but hey, he can always sell a kidney if he needs to.
Penny
If you happen to be reading this in Oxford UK come on down to the Hammer and Tongue Poetry Slam Grand Final at the Zodiac on Tuesday May 2. I’ll be flying the NZ flag in the competition, come and cheer for me. All other tour details online at www.hotpink.co.nz
Last updated: 29/04/2008
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