Hot Pink is a regular column on nzgirl that's sure to have you in stiches! Don't miss your weekly fix.
To find out all about its author, Penny Ashton, just click here
Today I had a cleaning frenzy.
It started innocently enough with me casually spreading Tea Tree oil goop on my face for a facial cleansing, but as I looked around the bathroom I chillingly realised I wasn’t alone.
Now I don’t mean it was Attack of the Triffids with Jabba the Hut crawling out of my plug hole, I just looked about me with detached eyes and realised that if I were to drag a man home for single goodtime fun, I’d rather he hosed himself down outside than look into our shower.
I really am not a pig. In fact I am quite anal when it comes to putting things in their place and not having mess and clutter. I’m no great spiritual person but when I found out in Feng Shui it’s bad zen-type guff to have stuff under the bed, I cleared mine out and did a little Buddhist Dance for good measure.
OK so I made that last bit up but clutter I abhor.
However, it would be fair to say that dusting, vacuuming and bathroom cleaning gets done in our house about as often as Paris Hilton has an idea.
I therefore looked through green-goop eyes at the blackness infecting my grouting and realised it was time for some Ms Muscle.
One thing my mother has beaten into me successfully (I mean metaphorically with love there by the way) is the notion that “If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right”. As such I may not have cleaned since Bill Clinton was celibate but when I do it comes up as spotless as Spot the Dog after he’s been bleached….and with equal amounts of whimpering.
I therefore was on my hands and knees scrubbing like the dirty scrubber that I am for a good hour or two. Next came the basins and their toothpaste goop, the bath and its dust (who has the time for a bath these days?) and the toilet and its little curly nasties.
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Yes, I forged on till all genetic remnants had been eradicated and the air was as fresh as Janola.
It was about then I realised I still had green goop on my face and rushed to wash it off before my face dissolved instead of just the wrinkles.
The result was a sparkling house and a sparkling face. I then sternly emailed my flatmate and suggested he be the domestic gay goddess that he is with his big vacuum suction hose. Strangely, he seemed to know what to do with that.
And so our house is lovely again. It doesn’t last long of course and just like wrinkles the decay begins again immediately but it’s nice to momentarily sniff Janola before the curly nasties start to breed again.
Penny
If You’re Looking for a Good Time in Gisborne then Head to HOT PINK BITS! Thursday 20th April, Upstairs at the Irish Rover’s, 8pm. Starring Yours Truly in a 2ish hour extravaganza of comedy, poetry and song. See you there!
Last updated: 30/04/2008
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