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After having spent over a month in Australia one thing has struck me as being very interesting.
No one gives a toss about New Zealand.
I don’t mean that in a “oohhh look at your silly little country with its quaint towns and intimacies with sheep” kind of way. I mean that they genuinely have no strong opinion either way.
You say you are from NZ and they do not immediately respond “Baaaaaa” or “At least we don’t bowl overarm” or “How is your Mother/Cousin?”. Instead they say things like “OOhhh I went there once and it was beautiful” or “I’ve always wanted to go there” or the even more interesting “Your country is an inspiration for indigenous relations and gay rights”.
(And I must say after spending time immersed in Australian politics this government is screwed. The Health Minister wants obligatory Christian Counselling with abortions, an MP said Australia would be a Muslim State within 50 years as white Australia was aborting itself out of existence and their minister for Aboriginal Affairs isn’t even Aboriginal!)
OK sure they still say “say six” and “fish and chips” and that can get tedious BUT the rivalry that we imagine is as bitter as Paris Vs Nicole is actually more like a mosquito vs an elephant. They can’t feel a thing.
It’s always the way though that the little guy in a geographical rivalry is fixated with the big guy. Canada hates the USA, Scotland hates England, Finland hates Sweden, Austria hates Germany, Tokoroa hates Auckland etc.. etc.. etc…
Still people are a bit ignorant of what’s going on at home or who is from where. “What do you mean Auckland isn’t the capital?” “Wow you have your own Dancing with the Stars?!” and of course “Winston Peters is a fabulolus Australian!” (OK I made that last one up but wouldn’t it be nice if it were true.)
And so I guess it is our duty to keep buzzing around and pointing out that yes New Zealand is a whole different country, that no I do not own Velcro gloves and a strap-on and that Helen Clarke is most definitely a woman.
We have to fly the flag (with red stars thank you very much) so that we don’t get swallowed up into the big red centre. And with John Howard in charge over here, thank f**k for that.
A small limerick I penned for my show here:
There was an evil dwarf Howard
Who wanted to be super powered
So he gave Mr Bush
A free pass to his touche
And had his Axis of Evil Deflowered
Penny
Last updated: 29/04/2008
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