Hot Pink is a regular column on nzgirl that's sure to have you in stiches! Don't miss your weekly fix.
To find out all about its author, Penny Ashton, just click here
In an effort to not think about my lovely ex-boyfriend and to take my mind off the fact that, as the Partridge Family sing, “Breaking up is hard to do” I have discovered fake tan.
Now I of course don’t mean I was digging in my garden looking for a pot of gold and suddenly saw some shimmering bronze, or that I was sailing towards the New World and saw a mountain of pleasant beige in the distance, what I mean is I’ve finally cottoned onto the revolution.
You see I have always viewed fake tan with much suspicion.
I remember dabbling with Avon sunless tanning lotion in 1988 and suddenly looking quite attractive to the average tangerine. I was startling orange with patches. SO actually maybe I looked more like a diseased tangerine, a common look among supermodels I think you’ll find. Yes well.
I also remember the trickiness of getting the elbows and knees and ankles looking half-way decent, the vigilance required in hand-washing, and the still entirely unsatisfactory results. I therefore decided to “Sod this for a game of soldiers” and tried to be happy with my pale and interesting look.
Yes I am very much of the Anglo-Saxon ilk. Unfortunately no Ashton relative had a quickie with someone from Venezuela to put some olive in my blood and as such I am white as slightly dirty snow.
I thought I had resigned myself to it but then I was watching television and a segment on J-Lo came on. Now I have never held J-Lo up to be any sort of a role model, well except for the fact that when I do a comedy gig I have to have the BIGGEST trailer, with only green M&Ms in a bowl and three Vietnamese virgins to fan me, but apart from that I’ve always thought she was a bit of a prima donna.
However, one cannot discount her “Glow”. So much so it has become a brand in itself. The woman on the tele then said that this “Glow” was the result of fake tan. Well I never. That same day I was talking to another woman with a lovely tan who divulged it was completely fake! The universe was telling me it was time to stop being pasty so I invested $15 at Foodtown and got me some.
And it’s fabulous!
OK, so maybe I’m not quite the beauty expert I will become and I still have the occasional patchy moment, but at least I don’t resemble a diseased fruit. It’s a nice colour that gathers compliments and moisturises me very nicely. I’ve even used it on my face.
The only challenge now is to make sure that if I cry, which I’ve been doing a bit, that I don’t have track marks down my face resembling yet another song; “The tears of a clown, when there’s no one around………” SO far so good.
Penny
If you want to LAUGH till you cry then head down to see me and a whole heap of international performers at the Christchurch World Busker’s Festival from today until January 29. I’m on at the Loaded Hog every night at 9pm but there are heaps of shows on constantly and the standard is world class. Get along and get out your loose change.
Last updated: 26/04/2008
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