Yeeeee-Hawww!! A bunch of Canadians, whom must trace their ancestry to hicksville USA, have yet again gatecrashed the party with some of the worst candy-floss-pop-folk jingles that make NSYNC look like gangsters. Get your earmuffs ready as I introduce to you Barenaked Ladies and their new album ‘Everything to Everyone’.
The worst, most shallowly depressing attempt at music since the caveman invented sound. Analysing this album has been a nightmare, literally! It didn’t take long before my ears wanted to bleed, my brain became zombified and my stomach started doing somersaults.
I endeavoured to trick my head into believing this music was actually catchy by dancing a little jig, but thankfully my feet refused to budge. Eventually, giving up torturing my body into feasting on this filthy excuse for an album, I sleepily yawned into bed. There, the ordeal continued with Steven Page, lead vocalist for the band, evilly crooning. “You can always get it right next time”. Arrrrrrrgah!!! I awoke in a sweat. How could this band have been invited into a recording studio? Was the studio under gunpoint and forced to record? Who knows...(answers on a post card please).
With a serious shortage in musical talent, craftsmanship, timing, melody creation and poetic writing skills, fingers crossed this band is unable or prohibited from writing another album, or breeding.
For instance, check out these lyrics on track two, named ‘Maybe Katie’ (in which “What’s so maybe about?” is yodeled 12 times in under 2mins!)
“Can’t you see that Katie’s waiting?
Just because her youth is fading,
Doesn’t mean she’s not worth dating”.
Oh that’s deep mate! Very Creative! What was your inspiration - no, let me guess - there was no inspiration, you just found three words that rhymed, then made a song!
If you take pleasure in painfully awful musicians that desperately make an album as quick as humanly possible, with little to no consideration of the musical content or the vocals on an album, head down to your nearest music store today.
You’ll probably find ‘Everything to Everyone’ conveniently stacked in the ‘Implausibly Appalling’ section, somewhere between ‘Huck Finn’s Attractive Cousin Favourites’ and ‘How To Drive Someone Insane Through Repetition, Repetition, Repetiton’.
Just make sure you haven’t eaten for at least an hour before hearing this mud, you may end up losing it.
