All this talk about Rihanna and Chris’ abusive relationship has got us thinking, when is it okay to take back a bad boy? From an outside perspective it can be pretty clear cut, but when there are emotions involved, it’s a whole different ball game. The cheater, the physical and the psychological abuser, is it possible to go back, how do you know they’ve changed and when should you high-tail it out of there? The Cheater.jpg) Cheating is one of the biggest betrayals of trust. With so much invested in a relationship, the thought of them being with someone else is enough to turn you blue. When you’re feeling raw in the aftermath, for some reason still miss them and when they’re offering you the comfort that it will never happen again, it can be easy to fall back into the relationship. Denise Corlett from datingadvice.co.nz recommends anyone who has been in a cheating relationship should move on. Cheating is a clear indication that the person is not ready for the necessary level of commitment with you and in many cases, with anyone. Cheaters don’t change their spots, and if it’s happened once it’s likely to happen again – even though they may well have strong emotions for you. On the flipside, the trust and sense of loyalty is gone, which again, is not a good basis for a relationship. “This person would need to become emotionally mature and have worked through any commitment and other issues to be at the stage where you would even consider getting back with them. My advice, if you want someone now for a long term relationship, look for someone who is ready to be in a relationship with that level of commitment too.” The Physical and Psychological Abuser Society has taught us that when we think of abuse, we think of the physical - black eyes, broken bones and bruises. What you should be aware of, is both physical and psychological abuse have a lot of similar characteristics both in terms of the perpetrator and the long lasting emotional affects. Denise again recommends upmost caution should be exercised when considering taking an abuser back for a number of reasons: “Trust and respect is significantly affected making it very hard  to rebuild a strong solid relationship. In addition, those that have displayed physical and psychological abuse to others tend to continue with this pattern of behaviour. Often despite promises that behaviour will change and best intentions, it can often return. Various events, interactions and stresses can see this behaviour escalate as well. This further destabilizes the relationship and for the abused party, undermines their self confidence and much more.”  While the first sign of physical or psychological abuse should see you moving on very quickly, Denise says there can be some hope when people recognize they have a behavioural problem and individually seek appropriate assistance to overcome it. Unfortunately, this is not the case for many. “The onus would be on the abuser to demonstrate that they have done significant work on managing their abusive behaviour and have appropriate strategies to avoid the physical and psychological abuse of the past." What’s the moral of the story? Leave his ass! While no-one can make the call but you, remember no-one deserves to be abused. Rebuilding a healthy relationship after abuse is seldom achieved and you deserve to feel both loved AND cherished! When do you think it’s okay to take back a bad boy?.jpg) "Never. Especially not if they harm you.”
—Zoe “It’s all circumstantial… I’d be more likely to take back a cheater than an abuser.”
—Grace “I wouldn’t really take them back, especially the abuser.” .jpg) —Kate “I guess it would depend on the abuse. Mental abuse would be harder to leave. Physical abuse is a lot easier to get out of.”
—Lexie “It’d be over…You never deserve to be hit by a guy.” —Alex  “It’s quite hard. I’d think I would once they’d owned up to it and stuff and done what they should to make it better. It kind of depends on what they’ve done.”
—Stephanie “When they’re truly sorry for what they’ve done. Like honestly sorry. But not if they show no remorse.”
—Trishna Liselle and Rebekah |
