The Rules of Breaking Up...

Dumpsville: population = you. We've all been to that place. It's not a pretty sight. But remember: even Minnie Driver was dumped, on TV by Matt Damon, so things could be a lot worse.

 

There are certain things you can do to prolong the agony of a break-up though. Luckily, you have your aunties here at nzgirl to tell you what NOT to do in the event of a dumping.

Do not, under any circumstances, call him

You're usually a hard woman, with many strong opinions and a take no bull attitude. Suddenly you've been reduced to a blob that just wants to cry and eat ice-cream. Worse of all, you feel as if the only way the pain will stop is if you talk to the person who caused it in the first place. You need to stop. Talking to someone who broke your heart is never a good idea.

All it will do is reinforce what you already know – the relationship is over, and he doesn't love you. "But he's just confused!", we hear you wail. Let's put it this way – if you thought someone was your soulmate, would you let them go, ever? For any reason? Thought so.

 

Don't egg his car, harass his new girlfriend, prank call him, etc…
As well as legal reasons (ie welcome to jail: population = you), will this really help how you're feeling? All you're doing is hanging on to him, and to something that no longer exists. Try to occupy your time with more productive activities. If you can't sleep, get up and go to the gym, or call a friend. If you can't work, take a holiday – we think tropical islands are nice. How about Vanuatu? 

Friends? What friends?
The friends line has been in existence since Antony and Cleopatra. We're sure he told her that he wanted them to remain friends too…after he went home to his WIFE. Don't torture yourself with this. You know the only reason, the real reason, you want to be friends is in case there's a chance he'll change his mind. He might do, but the bigger chance is that he won't. Most people have already checked-out of the relationship by the time they get round to breaking up.

And think about this: this man has thought about it deeply, decided that you're not the one, and he would rather be alone (or with someone else) rather than you. Don't humiliate yourself. Walk away with some dignity.

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face
If you live together, then breaking up becomes more than an emotional storm. It could mean a legal and financial mess as well. Don’t become so angry and sad that you just tell him to take everything, because you don't want anything that reminds you of him. You'll regret this when you've moved into your new pad and all you have is a pot and some cushions.

Or if you're stuck with all the bills because you don't have a joint account. Make sure you set aside time to have a meeting with him, to decide who gets custody of the cat, and what to do about your finances.

 
Sarah Lane