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In the nzgirl office, we’ve been in our share of long-term relationships (and marriage!) – we’ve been through the ups and downs, the cycles of being single, dating, hooking up, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, married and if you’re unlucky, back to being single again at some point during those stages.  So when we heard about the new buzzword of the moment – “freemales”, we instantly thought “huh”? We all know it’s not that hard to please a man, but are there truly so many now that they’re giving them out for free? What happened to the man drought? Until we found out that the word doesn’t actually mean free men (sob), it means women who are single and pretend to the outside world that they’re happy, but secretly long for, and perhaps even look for a man on the sly. Is it possible that we’ve swung too far in the other direction? None of us wants to be stuck in the dark ages, when a woman’s worth was measured first by her husband, then by how many sons she could produce. We like having the right to vote, the freedom of choice and equality to men. But I don’t think it’s un-feminist to say that most people like having somebody. So if you’re a freemale, here are some ways to start taking charge of your love life…  Admit you want a relationshipThe reason The Secret sold so many copies is because its basic premise is extremely attractive – that you can manifest whatever you want into your life if you believe in it enough. While it’s not as simple as closing your eyes and wishing, admitting you want someone is the first step. You can’t start finding something if you won’t even acknowledge it to yourself, and often that’s the hardest bit. Spread the word The next step is to start letting your friends know you’re ready for a relationship. If you’re brave enough, you can even let your work colleagues in on it. Don’t be afraid – your real friends won’t judge you and who knows, they may have been thinking of setting you up with their cute neighbour or nice brother for a while, but needed a sign. It’s kinda like applying for a job – the more places you door knock, the more people will know you’re available and looking. Just don’t go overboard and be too pushy, simply letting someone know you’d love to find a good guy is enough of a hint. Try something new I’d say internet dating, but that’s such a common thing now that you should follow it up with other avenues. Try going to sports matches or do activities that you know will involve men. Forget language classes, yoga or flower arranging – unless you want to meet your next gay best friend. If you want to broaden your circle of guy friends, get your nose out of the book club and into something more macho such as a mixed basketball or soccer team, or scuba diving or rock climbing. Ask someone out And if none of the above techniques work, you could just go the direct route and ask someone out on a date. This is harder than it sounds, and don’t we know it, but you’ll never know if you don’t ask. So next time your eyes meet his across the room, don’t just flick your hair, laugh extra loud and hope he comes over and introduces himself! Pick up your drink, grab your bestie’s arm and make your way over. Or if there’s a man at work you’ve had your eye on for a while, ask him if he’d like to go for an after-work drink – that way it’s casual enough that you can laugh it off as a miscommunication if he stammers out that he’s married, or turn into something more if you’re both interested.
Sarah Lane
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