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Our advice guru Frankie is here to help you get your life sorted – whether you’ve got issues with your love life, friends, family, work or your bank account, Frankie is the woman to help get you back on your feet! No matter what the problem, however big or small you may think it is, Frankie will have some wise and frivolously frank words of advice to help get you through, we promise!
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Dear Frankie,
After nearly nine months of dating a great guy, I finally built up the balls to drop a bomb into our blissful relationship – an L bomb to be exact. I’d asked around the girls, read all the articles I thought I needed to and just felt like I needed to get that feeling out of my chest and into the open. So I just threw my caution to the wind, with all the help and lubrication that alcohol affords, announced “I Love You”.
That in itself is not such a big dilemma – but let me elaborate a little further! I was drunk. He was sober. We were also in the middle of having some great sex. Oh and did I mention that he didn’t say anything back. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
The next day, it was a matter of swallowing my pride and in a fully-clothed and stone cold sober situation announcing that I did mean what I said, I do love him. But again, NOTHING! So I probed a little more. He then proceeded to tell me he’s just not a verbal man, a man of few words and that those don’t include “I Love You” in short succession. He’d been burnt previously when he’d said it to other girls and anyway, he didn’t need to say it out loud because I just know he loves me right?!
My problem is that I am a lady of many words and they do include “I Love You” – a lot! Sure I’ve had relationships in the past where I’ve uttered those words and had those relationships not work out – but I still want to shout that declaration from the rooftops and whisper it in his ear when we’re done, well, making love.
I don’t think I can handle his silence. Is that wrong? Do I expect too much from him? Have I watched a little too many viewings of The Notebook and PS I Love You?
Is what we have as perfect as I imagine?
Loved up, but loveless!
 Dear Loveless, People say this is a common problem. I agree. There are lots of reasons our men from mars don’t get the L word dilemma. Some have come from families where it’s never said, some feel it’s not their brand of macho, and some are just not ready for that next stage in the relationship. Loveless my friend, my darling, your boy is simply NOT READY. There’s nothing wrong with wanting him to tell you he loves you. I personally want to hear it at the end of every day, every phone call, every meal, every cuddle and all the time in between. Women like to hear that they are loved, why they are loved and when they are loved – we love it! So I don’t think you’re expecting too much – you’re a woman. Despite popular belief, BOYS ARE WIMPS. They try and avoid female confrontation like the plague. Many men would rather walk through fire then tell a girl they don’t love them, hence this crap about ‘not being a verbal person’. Listen Loveless, if he was REALLY a nonverbal person, you would know by now and you wouldn’t be so surprised. BUT it sounds like he has a case of ‘selective’ nonverbal communication. Truth is - he’s NOT READY. You claim to be a verbal person, but then say you had to ‘throw caution to the wind’, ‘suck in my pride’. These are not signs of a healthy dialogue in a relationship. Certainly after nine months I would think you were far past the ‘saving face’ stage, maybe even at the ‘peeing in front of each other’ stage. It sounds like this is a slow burn relationship and that he’s NOT READY. Therefore, the real question is - how long do you want to wait until he IS READY? I’ve spoken about my relationship ‘ladder theory’ and male commitment ‘taxi light theory’ before but it boils down to: - When do you want the next level of commitment?
- Do you believe that he and you have a good long term future?
- Are you willing to wait for something that might never happen?
Give yourself time to answer these questions, if he’s in a verbal mood, ask him what he thinks, but don’t wait for ever. If communication is important to you than don’t settle for anything less. Good luck! .jpg) (39).jpg)
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