How to Beat the Single Blues

We all know that having a man on your arm doesn’t necessarily make you a better or happier person – but when you’re alone in your bed on those oh-so cold nights, it can be a little hard to remember!

We asked Kate Langdon, an nzgirl renowned for her awesome chick lit (That Slippery Slope and Famous) for her pearls of advice on dating, getting through the single blues and how to meet Mr Right…

I’ve been dating my ass off and I’m still single - what am I doing wrong?
In general I think perhaps most women tend to be either a bit too keen to rush things along and end up scaring the guy a little, or otherwise killing things way too prematurely because the guy doesn't match their ideal ‘criteria’...when in fact he may have made a great boyfriend.

Take Mr Right Now or hold out for Mr Right? 
Definitely hold out for Mr Right...but remember that Mr Right (when he comes along) might not tick all, or even any, of your preconceived boxes. But he will treat you lovingly, enhance your life, teach you new things/skills/ideas, make you laugh, be great hands-on father material and want to build your dreams together.

I’m scared of being stuck on the shelf…
There's nothing wrong with being on the shelf, it's a perfectly nice place to be, as long as you're a reasonably social person and keep regular contact with your friends. After all, you can go home when you want to, you can stay in bed all day reading and not feel guilty, you can watch as many chick flicks as you like with no one complaining... Basically you can indulge yourself 100%. My only advice is to not get so used to to your living in the lovely lap of selfish luxury that you're not prepared to give it up for the right person.

Being single is a special time - only when you're single do you really get to understand yourself, what makes you tick, and what qualities you're looking for in someone else.

Is something wrong with me? I’m 30 and there’s no man in sight…
I think the pressure to settle down has lessened significantly in recent years - I have plenty of attractive, successful girlfriends who are in their thirties, still single, and having a fabulous time. I think most of the pressure comes from the women themselves (and possibly the odd interfering mother) - and that is largely to do with the fear of being old and childless.

Though, in saying that, more and more women are realising they have other options these days - if they desperately want a baby but haven't met the right man they can have and raise a baby by themselves. And, this doesn't rule out meeting Mr Right at some point!

I only ever meet ugly/annoying/stupid men with no potential… 
I think some of us have some preconceived ideals about what Mr Right should be like/look like and aren't open to budging from these ideals...even though someone who'd be a great match for us may already be in our lives. Or, we're too busy looking into the future, and not enjoying our present. 

Every nzgirl needs…
Great, loyal, fun girlfriends.
A bottle of bubbles in the fridge
A big bathtub

Any tips for finding the perfect man?!
Stop hunting and he'll turn up, when you least expect it. 

Essential lessons every nzgirl will learn from your books…
That no matter what trials life puts you through, no matter how your heart gets broken, everything will turn out just fine - better than fine. And that no one is more important than your best girlfriends.  

 
Ramarea