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You’re single again, after what feels like years in a  relationship. And as always, it seems that just when you’ve dumped Mr Wrong, all your best girlfriends are hooking up with Mr Right...
In that middle space between finding yourself and finding your next relationship, there’s an awful lot of lonely nights. Let’s face it, most humans crave some kind of physical contact and intimacy.
But on the other hand, you’re not quite ready to relinquish your freedom for someone who’s just “OK”. Short-term relationships, a cross between a real relationship and a fling, are increasing in popularity. It’s the next step up from one-night stands. Some call it the “mini-ship” – regular sex and communication, but without the commitment.
 Of course, this kind of arrangement has always existed in one form or another (think of the booty call), but its increasing popularity proves that man drought or not, Kiwi girls are not only not willing to settle, they’re changing the unwritten code that only men sleep around and women want commitment. We ask two nzgirls, who requested to remain anonymous (but we’ll call them Jane and Ann), to give us a few tips on having a successful mini-ship. Both of them are currently single after long-term relationships (one was married for five years) and have no children.  Ask yourself why
For Ann, who was married for five years, it was a chance to do the things she missed out on during her youth. Ann got married in her early twenties and moved out of the country to be with her man.
When the marriage didn’t work out (he was cheating on her and there was some abuse) she moved back home only to find that while she had been playing the good wife, her friends had spent their twenties travelling,
building a career and eventually settling down and 
having a family. Jane’s reason was simpler – she simply didn’t want to get stuck with someone like her ex, and wanted to be more careful this time around. Always play it safe That means use condoms all the time, even if you feel you trust the guy. Take a step back and remind yourself of the kind of arrangement you are in – no strings attached means exactly that. You are both free to see and date other people.
And if ever you feel discomfort or doubt over what you are doing, get out then and there. If you are in a mini-ship to have fun but aren’t having any, then what the heck are you doing?  Talk, but not all the time
Jane is currently seeing a man she met over the internet. They arrange to meet each other a couple of times a week, not necessarily for sex, but occasionally just to have dinner, watch DVDs or have a few drinks. The important thing is that they are able to do those things without getting too attached because they feel the same way about each other. It’s also important to maintain some distance as well.
The general rules are: no daily phone calls or texts, never plan the weekend early in the week and the other party can cancel at the last minute if a better offer comes up. Enjoy your single life The point of a mini-ship is really just as a filler, it should be the icing, and not the whole cake. If you get to the point where you get restless and stare longingly at couples in restaurants, then it might just be time to throw in the towel and declare to the universe that you’re ready for love again. And if you can’t admit this to yourself, then maybe you’re not quite ready after all.
Sarah Lane
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