Dear Frankie: I love him, but I'm not in love!

Our advice guru Frankie is here to help you get your life sorted – whether you’ve got issues with your love life, friends, family, work or your bank account, Frankie is the woman to help get you back on your feet! No matter what the problem, however big or small you may think it is, Frankie will have some wise and frivolously frank words of advice to help get you through, we promise!

If you have a question click the link below to drop Frankie a line!



___________________________________________________________________________

I’ve been with my partner for four years, and although I love him, I’m not in love with him. I want to break up with him but I don’t know how. This probably sounds silly, but because we’ve been together for so long I don’t know how to break it off… He’s my best friend, my friends and family absolutely adore him, and I love his friends and family like my own. This only makes things even harder! I don’t want to break his heart, but I don’t know how to dump him without doing that. I’m also a little scared that if I break up with him I’ll regret it, and I don’t know how I’d cope my own. Should I wait it out and see if my feelings change or should I just take the plunge and break it off?

Help!

 

 

Your killer statements like “…not in love with him”, “I want to break up and break it off” permeate this email like the holes in Swiss cheese! However, I do applaud your honesty as there are many readers who find themselves in this exact situation. You have correctly identified why many people stay in relationships - because they are afraid to be alone, not wanting to lose a great friendship and concerned they will be isolated from family and friends.

 

At the end of the day, being honest with yourself and engaging in open communication with your partner may shed some light on a way forward which fulfils both your needs. A conversation with your partner may highlight issues you are not aware of as he may also be feeling frustrated by the current situation.

 

Look around you… No, physically turn your head and look around you… Is this where you want to be? Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that you are happy, fulfilled, and wanting to spend the next five or ten years with your partner?

 

If the answer is yes then consider talking to someone who can objectively work with you both to achieve those goals.

 

Should you consider breaking up, it does not necessary mean the end of the friendship however be prepared for his initial response which could include not wanting to see you. Talk to friends or a Counselor who can support you to prepare for whatever outcome.

 

Author Susan Jeffers said it best when she said, “Feel the fear and do it anyway”.